There was built a city,
A miniature place
Where snow always fell;
All within a glass orb.
From outside a window,
A boy desired that city,
And when the keeper turned,
That city was his.
It sat on his dusty shelf
Inside his lonely room.
But when he looked at the city,
He was there.
He danced in the snow.
He played for hours on end.
And he was never lonely,
The poor, hopeless boy.
He grew older.
And seasons changed.
But in his city,
It was always winter.
There was always happiness.
It was always a holiday.
And he was always loved,
The dear, sorrowful boy.
And one day, he reflected.
He was old;
His hair gray;
His eyes threatening to fall out.
Then, one day,
There was a city,
A miniature place,
Where snow always fell-
Fell upon a boy;
A dear, sorrowful boy;
A poor, hopeless boy;
All within a glass orb.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I liked this. It was really sweet. I felt sorry for the boy. I kept thinking that he'd escape.
Good job!
I'm picking up on things here that you may or may not have intentionally touched on. Fore example:
"Where snow always fell". It always fell, did it? Was the boy glad of this because things were uncertain in his own life? Or is it reassuring to him that when he dies, as you mention him growing old, even though he will be gone the snow will still be there?
"It sat on his dusty shelf/Inside his lonely room." The city was big and busy, what about the boy's own world? Is this a significant contrast?
These are all suggestions on how you can develop themes in your poems-extending ideas.
"His eyes threatening to fall out." --I like this, but I'm not sure it fits in with the tone of the poem. It seems to be a bit of humour, but the rest of the poem is serious, sorrowful.
And why is the boy sorrowful? What's so bad about his world/life that makes him poor and helpless, and his room lonely? What makes him want so desperately to escape to the city in the snowglobe?
Enchanting-I loved the mysterious aura around the boy.
Well written and I liked the different feel about the theme of this poem.
Iloved this line- “All within a glass orb.”